Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
