i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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