He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
