I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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