"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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