My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
