my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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