do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
