I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
