She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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