I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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