i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
