I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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