It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
