i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
