is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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