He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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