Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
