I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize