i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
