we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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