It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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