the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
