the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
