And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
