I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
