I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
