If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
