My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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