ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
