Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
