Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
