I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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