I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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