New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
