Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize