and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
