Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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