just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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