Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
