First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
please come you make the beer taste better
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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