Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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