On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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