Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
