I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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