Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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