Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
