i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
