i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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