Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
