Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
