HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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