Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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