I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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