if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she looked like the before picture.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i've created a new STD.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
