Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
