your parents love me but you hate me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
