I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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