John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
