i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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