i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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