Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Drunk is not a location!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
