hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
