My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
