And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
