It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
