my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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