we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
