In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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