I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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