I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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