It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
