her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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