A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
