I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
where are my eyebrows?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
