so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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