I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
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Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
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He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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